


By Way of Sorrow

by slash4femme



Category: NCIS
Genre: Disability, M/M, Major Character Injury, first time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 11:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3894652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slash4femme/pseuds/slash4femme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tragedy strike the team and draws people closer together in the process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	By Way of Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 2009. I do not change/edit my older stuff.

_It wasn’t supposed to be like this._

In Ducky’s mind he’d always be the one to retired first, and then in due time Gibbs. He would concentrate on gardening; playing golf and catching up on the lifetime worth of books he still hadn’t had time to read. Every week he and Gibbs would get together, have a nice meal, spend some time talking and enjoying on another’s company. In Ducky’s plan for the future he and Gibbs’ relationship never really changed and Ducky never told Jethro about his feelings for the other man, the kind of feelings that did not stop at friendship. Ducky was all right with that, he’d been alright with their friendship for twenty years he saw no reason for that to change.

_Not like this._

The night he’d gotten the call his first thought had been that Jethro was dead. It was the only thing he could think of that would cause that level of anger, grief and panic in Tony’s voice. When he’d gotten to the hospital he’d discovered the Gibbs was in fact still alive but in critical condition.

Eight hours of surgery later, the doctor had taken Ducky aside and explained about the damage the three bullets had caused, what they’d been able to fix and what they hadn’t.

Ducky told the children some of it. Made sure Tony slept between calls to the Director, and drank the cup of coffee Ziva brought him. McGee had taken off after making sure Gibbs had made through surgery and Abby had headed straight after him. Ducky hoped that Abby would be able to take care of Timothy and that the youngest agent would be able to forgive himself for not saving Gibbs.

Ducky didn’t sleep that night; he stayed up waiting to be allowed to see Gibbs.

Over the next few weeks Ducky took up pretty much permanent residence in the hospital. He let Palmer take over his duties at the office. At least one of the children was always there with him although their own jobs meant that they had to take turns. Gibbs himself slid in and out of consciousness.

Almost a month after the shooting Ducky sat next to Gibbs’ bed as Gibbs listened in completely silence to the doctor explain to him about the damage they hadn’t been able to repair. Gibbs showed no emotion, no anger or fear, but Ducky could feel his hand shaking and he squeeze it tightly in his own, _I’m here, I will ways be here._

Ducky began to seriously reconsider his plans for the future.

 

2.

“Jethro.”Ducky entered his house and set the bags of groceries on the counter in the kitchen before moving into the sitting room. Gibbs sat near the window, a book open in his lap, dozing slightly. “Dear.”

Ducky patted his shoulder gently and Gibbs opened his eyes turning his head slightly, and smiled up at him. “Hey Duck.”

“Having a nice nap, Jethro?”Ducky moved across to the side table and began sorting the mail.

“It’s damn annoying actually. I used to be able to go a whole day without falling asleep, every couple hours. Must be the medication.”Gibbs frowned down at the book in his lap. He picked up the book turned it over, and then opened it to the bookmark.

“You forgot again.” Ducky’s voice was soft and Gibbs looked up at him, then smiled almost wryly down at the book.

“I keep forgetting I’m reading this, then I have to start it over.”

“I could read it to you?”

Gibbs smiled again slightly. “I don’t know whether that’ll help, but it would be nice.”

Ducky smiled and nodded, before set down the mail and heading for the kitchen. He wanted to help Gibbs with his wheelchair, but he knew he couldn’t coddle the other man, not even if he wanted to. After a few minutes Gibbs maneuvered his electric wheelchair into the kitchen then sat giving him time to catch his breath while Ducky moved around the kitchen.

“I called Vance today.” Ducky set a pot of water to boiling on the stove and began chopping broccoli. “My paper work will be in order for my retirement soon, and Palmer is more then capable of stepping into my shoes in autopsy. After all he has basically been doing my job for almost a year.”

“Has it really been that long?”

Ducky nodded “yes indeed, although it does not feel nearly that long.” He smiled over his shoulder glancing briefly at Gibbs, “Dinner will be ready soon, dear.”

“Oh Duck, you are too good to me.” Gibbs murmured so low Ducky almost didn’t hear him.

They eat dinner in companionable silence and Gibbs insisted on helping clear the table afterwards. When the washing up was done, Ducky moved into the sitting room and curled up on the couch turning on the tv to watch the evening news. Gibbs pulled his chair up next to the side of the couch closest to Ducky and they watched CNN.

“You miss it.” Ducky didn’t phrase it as a question and Gibbs sighed.

“Yeah. Of course I do.” Ducky looked up at him and Gibbs shook his head slightly. “If there’s one think I’ve learned in this life Duck, it’s that you can’t wish for things you can never have back, it’ll just eat you alive from the inside out if you do.”

Ducky patted Gibbs’ hand and Gibbs caught the older man’s hand in his.

“Duck.”Ducky looked up at Gibbs from where he had been preparing to replay yesterday’s section of the Rachel Maddow Show he’d recorded on the Tivo McGee had bought them.

“Ducky.” Gibbs sighed. “I . . .” Ducky waited quietly while Gibbs stared down at their clasped hands. “I can’t take care of you like this.”

Ducky made a soft, frustrated sound. “You don’t have to Jethro. I am more than capable of taking care of the both of us, and even if I weren’t you should not be thinking like that at all, this is not some kind of competition.”

“I know that Ducky.” Gibbs squeezed his hand gently looking at Ducky where he sat on the couch. “It’s just . . . this isn’t how I imagined things going you know? I always thought I’d be the one taking care of you.” He sighed softy again dropping his eyes. “Ducky I don’t know what I’d do without you, I really don’t. You . . .” He finally let go of Ducky’s hand and ran his own hand across his eyes. “You keep me together, Ducky, you keep me going. And I have nothing to give back to you.”

Ducky moved faster than he had hitherto believed possible. One minute he was sitting on the couch, the next he was kneeling in front of Gibbs both of the other man’s hands in his, while his knees screamed in protest, but for the moment he ignored them. “No Jethro.” He used the voice no one ever questioned or argued will, the one most people if they were lucky never even knew existed. “You can not even think like that. You have everything to give, you are the world to me.” Gibbs looked like he was going to speak and Ducky held up his hand. “No, listen to me, I will not allow you to talk about yourself that way, not now, not ever. I will not let anyone hurt you Jethro, most especially not you.”

“Ducky.” Gibbs’ voice was so quiet and tentative, so very un-Gibbs-like it stopped Ducky mid-rant. “Ducky, I was going to say, that I don’t care, I really don’t. I expected it to matter. I expected not to want, well, anything really, not like this, but it’s not true. I thought we couldn’t be closer then we were, but I know that’s not true.” Gibbs squeezed Ducky’s hands gently in his. “You are the world to me too, Duck. You’ve been a saint taking care of my all these months, more than that you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. And you’d be perfectly with your right not to want this, but I love you Ducky, I’m in love with you, and you need to know that.”Gibbs looked down at where Ducky still knelt completely stunned. “Now for God’s sake get off the floor before you seriously hurt yourself.”

Ducky stood, ignoring his leg that was now felt like it was on fire, and limped back to the couch. “That may not have been the most well thought out plan I’ve ever had.” He admitted ruefully massaging his bad leg, and wincing slightly.

Gibbs shook his head then maneuvered his chair until he was in front of Ducky. “Aw Duck, be careful will you?”

“I will make more of an effort I assure you.” After a few moments Ducky decided there was no actual damage done, he was just going to have to a little more careful for a while.

“Ducky?” He looked up at Gibbs who looked almost nervous “please say something.”

Ducky looked down at his own hands clasped in his lap thinking hard, but in the end the decision was easy. Ducky looked up at Gibbs and opted for the truth. “I have always loved you Jethro.” Ducky told him simply. “That never changed, not with all the women you married, why would it be any different now?”He looked back down at his hands, then closed his eyes and sighed.

“Duck.”Ducky opened his eyes and looked up at Gibbs once more. “I would like kiss you now.”

Ducky smiled then, and stood ignoring the slight twinge of pain, and leaned forward to where Gibbs sat. He gently grasped Gibbs’ chin and tipped the other man’s head back slightly, then kissed him. Gibbs made a small sound in the back of his throat and one hand came up to cup the back of Ducky’s head, Gibbs’ fingers tangling in the other man’s soft, heavy hair.

It wasn’t earth shattering, time did not stop, it wasn’t even strictly speaking the best kiss Ducky head ever participate in, but did change everything, more than Ducky would have ever believe possible. When they pulled back they where both smiling, and Gibbs let his forehead rest briefly against Ducky’s. Ducky sat back down and Gibbs maneuvered himself back so they could sit side by side. They watched Rachel Maddow in silence and Gibbs took Ducky’s hand in both of his again. Ducky let him, leaning his head to the side so it now rested against Gibbs’ arm.

“We’ll make it work.” Gibbs brought their clasped hands to brush against Ducky’s cheek, and Ducky smiled.

“Yes. Yes we will, Jethro.” Ducky agreed and for the first time in a long time he was completely sure that they would.

 

  



End file.
